


Mo Chuisle  (My Pulse)

by notgayfanfiction



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Alcoholic Dean, Alternate Universe, Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Babies, Bottom Dean, Castiel Paints, Castiel is a foreign language teacher, Cheating, Dean is a Little Shit, Domestic, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Falling In Love, First Love, Gay Sex, Gen, Growing Old Together, High School Memories, Human Castiel, John Ships It, Lisa Being an Asshole, Living Together, Love at First Sight, M/M, Major Original Character(s), Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Mary Ships It, Memories, Multi, Sam Ships It, Singer Dean Winchester, Sorry again, Top Castiel, Triggers, True Love, Wakes & Funerals, Wedding Fluff, Young Castiel/Young Dean Winchester, Young Love, college memories, deans a cop, extreme fluff, grandkids, sorry this is kinda sad, they have a dog, this is super gay sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-03-21 22:42:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notgayfanfiction/pseuds/notgayfanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's husband, Castiel Winchester, has just died. Between planning a funeral and trying to hold himself together, Dean tells his grand kids stories of the man who completed his world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so hang in there with me! I have great plans for this fic and I'm sorry if it makes you cry because it already makes me cry. So um, leave comments and feed back please! This was sorta inspired by Drink a Beer by Luke Bryan. Again, I'm sorry. I'll try to update every week but I don't have a computer and have to use school computers so bare with me!  
> Oh, and shout out to Lily for helping me make decisions and making sure it doesn't suck! Mucho loves.  
> Happy reading!

_Before_

Dean Winchester had never seen a more beautiful blue eyed boy. Dean couldn't take his eyes off the boy as he chased after a little girl with tight bright red curls.

“Dean!” Dean snapped out of his trance and walked over to where his mom and little brother were standing.

“Ready?” Sam asked eyes filled with excitement. All Dean could think about was the boy and how his messy hair flopped around as he chased the girl. He quickly realized both his mother and Sam were waiting for a reply.

“Yeah Sammy! Lets go!” Dean grabbed Sam's hand as they ran down to the sandy area. Dean found them a place where he could still see the boy but close enough to the car so his mom wouldn't have to walk too far if she had to go get their father from the hotel room where he was working. Dean knew he wouldn't be joining them since he was so lost in his work to actually enjoy their vacation, but it was the thought that counted.

“Bet you I can swim further than you!” Sam yelled as he ran towards the sparkling baby blue water.

“Got it mom?” Dean said turning to meet her gaze, setting the umbrella in the sand.

“Of course honey, go have fun. And watch after Sam, you know how he gets.” Mary smiled at Dean and sunk into the lawn chair she had just spread out.

“Yeah, okay Mom. “Here I come Sammy!” Dean yelled as he threw his shirt off and started toward the water. That's when Dean felt the impact.  
Dean fell back into the sand, pain surging through his arm.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. Are you okay?” Dean was about to shout on how they should watch where they’re going but when he looked up he saw two bright blue eyes staring down at him sympathetically.

“Yeah, I'm alright. Mind helping me up?” The blue eyed boy gave a small smile and then held out his hand. “You should probably watch where you're running dude.”

“I'm sorry. I'm not used to many people around and my sister is a ball of energy.” He pointed towards the water where the little red head girl was bouncing around in the water with another boy with dirty blonde hair. “Again I'm sorry. I didn't-”

“Don't worry about it dude.” Dean said abruptly cutting him off. The boy had a look of confusion that slowly turned into a blush when he realized Dean was staring.

“Anyway I have to get down to my little brother. Be more careful next time.”  
The boys smile got big and bright and Deans chest got tighter.

“Yeah I will. Sorry again.” Dean nodded and started walking to the water still clutching his arm. “Castiel. But you can call me Cas.”  
Dean stopped and turned to face him. The boy had his arm extended for a handshake. “Um. Dean but you can call me Dean.” He took Cas’ hand and shook it but quickly dropped it. Smooth Winchester he thought.

“You a local here?”

“Um no I'm on vacation with my family.” Dean answered his eyes searching the crowd for Sam. When he spotted Sams long locks he turned back to Castiel.

“Oh me too. Hey listen i'm really sorry about running into you, is there anyway I could make it up to you?”

“I like pie.” Dean said jokingly. What was he doing? He couldn't be flirting with a stranger on his family vacation but here he was.

“I know a good place down the road, the best pie around. Can I treat you to some?”

“Uh, when?” Dean asked suddenly very nervous.

“How about six? I can pick you up. What hotel are you staying at?”

“Actually were staying in a beach house. I can text you the address. Do you have a phone?” Castiel withdrew his phone from his pocket and Dean punched his number in.

“Okay then, at six?”

“At six.” Castiel smiled and jogged back to where his family was sitting and they laughed about something Dean couldn't hear. Dean smiled at the thought of how soft Cas’ hands were and how his smile filled Dean with happiness like Dean could never be happy with anyone but this stranger.  
Dean knew he was screwed.

~~~  
When they got to the beach house from the beach it was almost five, so Dean jumped in the shower to wash out the places where he didn't think sand should be. When he was done he threw on his old ACDC shirt and a pair of jeans. They were just going out for pie and it wasn't a date, was it? If it was Dean certainly didn't think it was at the time.

Dean went down stairs into the little living room area where Sam was watching something on animal planet that Dean didn't really care for but his nerves were so off the rails he decided to watch it with him anyway. Sam just looked over to Dean and started laughing at him.

“What?” Dean said looking over to his obnoxious little brother.

“Nothing i’m just laughing because you’re about to go on a date and you’re wearing that?”  
Dean looked down to his outfit. If he wasn't nervous before he was definitely nervous now.

“Its not a date Sammy. Were just going out for pie.”

“That definitely sounds like a date to me.” Dean spun around to see his mom standing in the doorway. He let out a heavy sigh and looked back to Sam who was still grinning at Dean like Dean was an idiot.

“Well what am I supposed to wear? I don't think it would be appropriate to go out in a full suit guys.”

“At least put your leather jacket on so you don't look so homeless.”

“Ugh, fine. If it will make you two get off my ass.” Dean said standing up to go back to his tiny little room.

“Dean, language! And maybe you should put on those darker pants that Grandma gave you!” He heard Mary call from the living room. He shut the door and looked through his drawer for the pants.  
As Dean was slipping on his pants he heard a knock on the door. Dean grabbed his jacket off the chair in the corner of the room and flew down the stairs to see Castiel standing in the doorway.

“Hey.” Cas said giving a little grin when he saw Dean.

“Hey, ready to go?” He said ushering him out the door before his family could embarrass him.

“Yeah. It was nice to meet you both.” Castiel said turning back to Mary and Sam.

“You too Castiel, have fun. And Dean please be home before one!”

“Yeah mom. I know the curfew. Bye.” Dean was practically running now Cas in tow.  
They walked in silence for a little bit until Dean realized just how cute he looked. Cas was wearing a light blue tee shirt and dark grey shorts. Over it he had a trench coat, which Dean found odd but it some how worked for Castiel. Dean studied the other boys face for a little bit when he saw Cas give him a clear body check.

“Did you just body check me?” Cas whipped his head over to Dean obviously startled that Dean had even started talking. Dean noticed that he was blushing a little.

“Um no?” He said looking anywhere but at Dean.

“You totally did.”

“You’re the one who's been staring at me since I got here!” Cas said getting a little bit defensive now.

“That’s true, but do you blame me?” Dean looked over at Cas who had a full on blush spreading across his face. “Are you blushing?”

“Well you did just make this slightly awkward by calling me out and then attempting to compliment me.” Cas said sounding slightly irritated.

“Sorry, I was just being honest.” Dean was hoping Castiel couldn't see him starting to get more nervous by the second.

“Can we just keep walking please?” Cas said looking down as he picked up his pace.

“Yeah. Sure.”

They walked in silence and when they started approaching a small building with music pouring out of it. When Dean and Cas walked in a woman approached Cas and wrapped him in a hug.

“Hey honey. How are you? You guys haven’t stopped in yet!”

“Hi Ellen, we just got in a couple days ago and Gabriel has been wanting to spend every minute at the beach.” Dean squirmed next to Cas and Ellen's eyes shot right to him.

“Who did you bring with you?” She said eyes still on Dean, looking him up and down.

“Oh, this is Dean. We just met on the beach earlier today and I was hoping to treat him to some of your pie.”

“Oh of course! Nice to meet you Dean, i'm Ellen. Why don't you two go sit down and ill bring over some pie.” Dean nodded and smiled as he followed Cas to a booth in the corner where no one could see them. Dean slid in next to Cas realizing he was closer than necessary but he didn’t move over. Ellen walked over and sat two plates with pie down on the table then returned to the bar where a man was ranting about something Dean didn't care about.

“Oh my gosh.” Dean sighed as he took a bite of the pie. “This is the best thing I've ever eaten.”

“I told you. Ellen makes the best pie around.” Cas smiled as he shoveled the pie into his mouth.  
For a while they sat in the quiet until Cas started asking Dean questions about his family and how long they’d be staying and Dean reciprocated the questions.They sat there talking for about an hour just getting to know each other and enjoying each others presence. As they sat and Cas talked about some T.V. show Dean has never seen, Dean takes in his features like how his jaw line clenched when he got excited or how his blue eyes flickered when he talked about his favorite character.

“We should get out of here.” Dean said looking down at his watch making sure he still had enough time to spend with Cas.

“Yeah. We have about two hours before you have to be home. Want to go walk the beach?” Cas said setting a few bucks down on the table and sliding out of the booth.

“Yeah sure.” Dean stood up and followed Cas toward the door.

“I know you're not about to leave without saying bye to me!” Ellen yelled from the bar and Cas turned around arm still ready to push the door open.

“Bye Ellen! Ill bring Anna and Gabriel in tomorrow for lunch!”

“You better! See you boys around.” She winked and Cas nodded back as she stepped outside. Dean took a deep breath. Fresh air felt so much better than the smoky air of the Roadhouse. They were quiet as they walked to beach just taking in the fresh air and the beauty of the night sky on the water. When they got closer to the water Cas sat down in the sand stretching his long legs out in front of him and Dean squatted down beside him letting out a large sigh.

“I would like to see you again.” Cas said slightly surprising Dean. He took another deep breath and looked over to Cas but he wasn't looking at Dean.

“You would?”

“Of course I would. I mean if you want to? I’m sorry. I’m really bad at this kind of thing.”

“Cas.” Dean said now sitting up straight so he could look at all of Cas’ face. “You’re cool, I would like hanging out with you more.”  
Cas smiled at him but didn't respond. They sat in the quiet for a while until Cas got up and started toward the water without looking back or saying anything to Dean. Cas took off his shoes and socks and stepped in the water glancing at Dean. Dean stood up and kicked his shoes off. He walked toward Cas who was bending over examining in the water. The way the setting sunlight hit Castiel took Deans breath away. Castiel stood up and looked up at Dean and smiled. All Dean could do was smile back. Dean couldn't remember the last time he had a genuine smile on his face.

“I found a sand dollar,” Cas said holding his hand out. Dean gently grabbed the sand dollar from Cas’ hand.

“Woah, I haven’t seen one of these out here in a long time. I wonder what else we could find.” For a good 30 minutes they walked along the shore looking at the ground and making small talk. By the end of the night they had three colorful seashells, two sand dollars and one sea urchin that Dean wouldn't let Cas pick up.  
Around 12:45 Cas suggested he walk Dean home. The whole way there they laughed and talked about things. Half way through the walk Dean reached down and took Cas’ hand and he didn't pull it away. Dean was having the best time he had all of their vacation and didn't want to go back to the beach house where he would be bombarded with questions from his mother and Sam who were probably still awake.

“Well, I had a really good time tonight,” Cas said dropping Deans hand. “So thanks.”

“Yeah me too.” Dean spit out, trying to hold back every urge he had to grab Cas’ face and kiss him. “Maybe I’ll see you around and you should definitely text me.”

“I will definitely do that. Goodnight Dean.” Cas leaned in kissing Deans cheek and started walking away.

“Night Cas.” Dean said in a low whisper which was all he could manage. What just happened? Dean turned back to the house glancing back to make sure he could still see Castiels black figure walking away from him. He smiled to himself and stepped inside.  
When he shut the door he leaned up against it letting out a sigh. All the lights were off so Dean just headed up to his tiny room and threw himself on his bed staring at the wall with a huge smile on his face. He still felt that giddy sensation of when Cas kissed him on the cheek and just from the feeling Cas gave him. What was happening to him? He never got this attached so quickly, in fact he never got attached to anyone. He was in mid thought when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

From Castiel  
I had a good time. Wanna do brunch tomorrow?

To Castiel  
I did too Cas :) and of course I do, but who says brunch anymore?

From Castiel  
Civilized people do, Dean.

To Castiel  
Or nerds..

From Castiel  
Goodnight Dean.

To Castiel  
Goodnight Cas :)

Dean went to sleep with a big smile on his face.

~~~

The next morning Dean woke up to the smell of bacon but instead of rushing down to the kitchen he checked his phone but there was nothing so he jumped in the shower. When he got out of the shower, he grabbed his phone off his bed which still had no new notifications and patted down stairs to where his brother and dad were sitting at the small kitchen island eating some of Mary's famous pancakes.

“Morning hon.” His mom said kissing his cheek. “How was your night? Do you want some pancakes?”

“It was good.” Dean glanced at his phone noticing he had a text from Cas. “And no thank you, Castiel and I are going to breakfast.” Mary just gave him a big grin and nodded.

From Castiel  
Wake up!

To Castiel  
I am awake.

From Castiel  
Good, meet me at the Roadhouse in 20?

To Castiel  
Okay Mr. Bossy.

Dean set his phone down and ran upstairs to put on a fresh pair of pants and a cleaner shirt. He looked out the window to make sure he didn’t need a jacket and practically jumped down the flight of stairs. He kissed his moms cheek and patted Sam on the head as he headed to the door.

“Be back soon!” He called behind him.  
When Dean entered the Roadhouse he spotted Castiel right away. He waved to Ellen as he took his seat across from Cas, who looked up from his phone and smiled his gorgeous smile.

“Took you long enough.” He said as Ellen brought two huge plates of food. “I hope its okay that I ordered for you.”

“Yeah that's fine. I looks good. Thanks Ellen.”

“No problem kiddo, enjoy boys.” She smiled and walked off.

They sat and ate while making quiet conversation trying not to disturb the vast amounts of old people who were there for the early bird special. When they were done Dean threw some money on the table and pulled Castiel out of the building before he could argue with Dean.

“Well thanks for breakfast.” Castiel said when they were away from the Roadhouse.

“Yeah. Anytime.”

“I should probably get going, I promised I go to the Art Museum today with Anna.”

“Okay, yeah. You should call me later if you get free time.”

“Of course. Bye Dean.”

“See ya Cas.”

It went on like that for weeks, them hanging out till one in the morning then usually going out to eat in the afternoon. Dean started to live in a world that without Castiel he wouldn't be able to survive. They shared secrets, funny stories, their worst fears and even things Dean would never tell anyone. With Castiel life was easier. They did everything together, even Sam and Anna became close. Dean would play guitar for him and Castiel would show Dean his art work. Dean knew Castiel more than anyone he had ever know even his best friend, Charlie, back home in Kansas. They built up a world that just consisted of just them, and Dean couldn't have been happier. That all came crashing down when Deans vacation was over and he had to leave.  
The morning they were heading to the airport Castiel stopped by to say goodbye and Dean thought he was going to cry but held it together strangely well.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye then.” Castiel basically whispering, looking at the ground.

“I’m going to miss you so much Cas.” Dean said reaching in for hug. They stood there for a while, neither of them wanting to let go.

“I’ll call you everyday when I can.” Castiel said into Dean's shoulder.

“I’ll answer every time.” Dean said leaning back but still holding on to Cas with everything he had. Even though they weren't together Dean knew what he wanted and that was Castiel. Every quirk like the way he threw his head back when he laughed, how he ran his hand through his hair, how every time Dean saw him his head started spinning and he became uncontrollably happy.

“Have a safe flight Dean.” Castiel stepped back and started walking away. Dean Grabbed his arm before he could get to far.

“Wait,” he spoke as he pulled Castiel as he leaned forward and kissed him, Cas kissed him back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait to post this chapter so here's the second one!

The whole plane ride back all Dean could think about was Cas and the kiss. God he couldn’t believe how much one person could change his life in such little amount of time. By the time they go off the plane Dean was exhausted, being that he hadn’t slept the whole three hour flight back home. When they got home Dean didn’t waste anytime getting up stairs to his room and flying onto his bed. He closed his eyes when he heard a ding come from his. He got up and took his phone out of his bag.

From Castiel

Miss me yet?

To Castiel

Nah, haven’t thought about since I left. ;)

From Castiel

I miss you too Dean.

Dean just smiled at the conversation and laid back down hopefully he’d be able to get some rest before he had to take Sam back to school shopping since school started in a week. He smiled again at the thought of Castiel and their awesome vacation

Dean woke up to a buzzing noise on his dresser then a knock came from the door. He rolled over and looked at his phone. He had three missed calls from Cas. Something must be wrong he sat up about to dial his number when another knock came from the door.

“What is it?” The door opened and Sam poked his into the room.

“Mom said its time to go get school supplies.”

“I’ll be down in a sec.” Dean ushered his little brother out of the doorway and closed the door as he dialed Castiels number. It rang a few times until Cas answered.

“Hello Dean.”

“Cas, what's wrong are you okay?”

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?” Dean let out a tiny breath.

“You called me three times. I thought something was wrong.”

“Oh. No. Nothing is wrong. But I do have good news.”

“Uh alright. Give it to me.” Cas laughed from the other end of line.

“Okay so remember my aunt and uncle who live in Colorado?” He didn’t give Dean enough time to reply before he continued. “Well, they’re hosting our Christmas family get together so I’ll be in Colorado for most of winter break!”

“That’s awesome Cas? Congrats youre going on vacation!” He said very sarcastically.

“Well, I wasn’t done telling you and you don’t even know the best part, but since you’re being a jerk I guess you don’t get the privilege to know.”

“Wait thats not fair. Tell me!”

“Its too exciting not to so I will anyway I guess. So I was talking to my parents and they said that since i'll have my license by then that they’ll let me drive from my aunt and uncles to your house after christmas! I mean if your parents say its okay and then I could stay the whole week then just drive home.”

Dean was quiet for a long time not sure what to say. He would get to see Cas again and he would be staying here with his family. Cas. In his room. This winter break.

“Um Dean?” Cas’ voice drifting through the phone again startling Dean.

“Yeah. Yeah. Thats awesome! I’m sure my mom won’t mind. I’ll ask tonight. I have to go though. Can we skype after dinner?”

“Sure. I’m sure i’ll still be awake. Talk to later Dean.”

“See ya Cas.”

Dean grabbed his jacket and flew down the stairs. He was so excited he was pretty sure Sam and his mom could see it by just glancing at him. They both just looked at him but neither of them said a thing as they walked out the door.

 

~~~

While they walked around the store Mary could tell that Dean was out of it and he was. All he could think about was Cas and how he’d get to see him again which he didn’t think would happen. He figured they’d continue texting for a while then eventually forget about each other but who was he kidding. He could never forget about Cas and now he wouldn’t have to at least not yet.

“Dean, honey are you okay?” Mary asked as Sam threw a package of pencils into the cart.

“What? Oh yeah. I’m just super happy. Hey mom. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“So can Cas come stay with us for a week over winter break? He would drive down from Colorado since he’ll be visiting anyway the day after Christmas.” He looked to Mary who gave a him a large grin.

“Sure he can. I’ll have to talk to your dad but im sure he’ll be fine with it.”

“Thank you!” Dean hugged his mom tight before picking out his binder and setting it in the cart.

When they got home Mary started dinner and sent the boys to get all their stuff ready for school. Dean went up to his room and started taking the pencils out of the box and placing them in his pencil bag then he opened up his laptop and made sure he had his and Sam's schedules printed out before heading downstairs for dinner.

Of course his dad wasn’t home and was working late at the office so he helped his mom set the table. While they ate they made small talk and Mary reminded Dean to make sure he and Cas figure out all of the details soon so she could tell his dad. You know how he is about detail  she kept reminding him. When they were done eating Dean helped Sam so the dishes then he ran upstairs to his room locking the door behind him.

Dean sat down at his desk and opened his laptop. He hesitated before clicking on the skype button and opening Cas’ chat box. Instead of typing he hovered the mouse over the little telephone icon and clicked it. It rang a few times before Cas answered.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas. So I asked my mom.”

“And? Can I stay?”

“Actually we won’t be home that week. I’m sorry man.” Dean looked at Cas who now looked very sad. “I’m kidding Cas. She said it should be fine as long as we get all the details together before she asks my dad.”

“You’re so rude Dean but I’m still excited to see you.”

They talked for another hour or so before Cas was tired and went to bed leaving Dean alone with his thoughts. In just 4 short months he would be with Cas again but until then he should probably go back to sleep.

~~~

The days leading up to winter break Dean became almost restless. School had become boring after the first two weeks and Dean started to miss Cas more and more everyday. They still talked everyday even if it was just a goodnight text. Cas had become super busy with school being that he went to a private school in upstate New York so they couldn’t skype everyday but at least Cas made an effort to text him before he went to sleep. They had approximately two weeks until school was out for break but Dean would have to wait another week before he could see Cas.

Dean was just about to fall asleep when his phone started buzzing. He didn’t even look to see who it was but answered it anyway.

“Hello?” Dean said sleepily.

“Dean? Oh i’m sorry I didn’t know you were asleep.” Deans ears perked up at the sound of Cas’ voice.

“I wasn’t asleep yet so its no big deal. What’s up?”

“I just haven’t got to hear your voice for a while and I missed you.”

“Oh, I see." They talked for another hour about school and how excited they were to see each other. After they hung up Dean fell asleep with a huge smile on his face.

 

When winter break finally arrived Dean could barely hold in his excitement, for not only christmas but also seeing Cas in a matter of days. He spent the days leading up to christmas helping his mom around the house and wrapping presents with Sam. He bought Cas a small painting that he saw in a window downtown, which he was still nervous about even though Sam and his mom keep assuring him that it was a beautiful piece and that Cas would love it. Cas would probably love it because he love pretty much every painting to ever be painted. The first time the hung out all day on vacation Cas dragged him all over town showing him all kinds of art. Dean smiled at the memory of Cas holding his hand as he pulled him up and down the streets.

 

On Christmas morning Dean was woken up by Sam jumping all over him and yelling his name. Dean got up and followed Sam down the stairs where all his presents we’re. His mom and dad we’re already up drinking coffee by the tree.

“Merry Christmas sweetie.” His mom said kissing him on the forehead.

“Merry Christmas mom.” Dean sat down next to Sam who was vigorously shaking the boxes with his name on them.

Dean got two new video games, jeans and of course socks from his parents and Sam gave him a nirvana tee shirt. When all the wrapping paper was picked up and Sam had settled down about the new ipad their dad bought them Dean went upstairs to shower. The rest of their christmas day was relaxing. Dean and Sam watched a Christmas Story while Mary made dinner and their dad worked up in his office. Halfway through the movie Deans phone started ringing but Sam grabbed it before Dean could reach it.

“Hey Cas! Merry Christmas-” Sam managed to yell into the phone before Dean could tackle him to the ground and took the phone away from him.

“Hey Cas, what’s up?” Dean said glaring back and Sam who was still on the floor.

“Dean Winchester did you just tackle your brother?”

“Uh. No?” Cas laughed at him.

“Merry Christmas, Dean.”

“You too. So tomorrow.”

“What about it?”

“What time will you be here you asshole?”

“Oh around noon hopefully. Hey they’re starting the singing. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye Dean. Merry Christmas!” Before Dean could reply Cas had already hung up.

 

~~~

When Cas arrived the next day Dean was outside and pulling Cas out of the car before he had time to pull the keys out of the ignition. They just stood there hugging for 20 minutes before Mary was yelling at them to get inside before they both ended up getting colds.

They spent the whole day watching movies with Sam since Cas was tired from his long drive. When Dean looked at clock it was almost midnight. He almost suggested they go to bed but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t want to lose anytime with Cas. So they watched a scary movie that Sam suggested. Sam was spread out on the couch while Dean and Cas sat on the floor. After a while Cas laid his head on Dean shoulder and Dean didn’t dare move a muscle. After a while he wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him into his side so they would both be more comfortable.

After the movie ended Dean looked behind him and just a suspected Sam was passed out and Cas was about to do the same. Without saying a word he pulled himself and Cas up off the ground and started toward the stairs. He let Cas go up to the guest bedroom while he cover his sleeping little brother up with the blanket their mother usually had strown over the couch. Dean finally made his way upstairs after filling up water glasses for both him at Cas. Dean knocked lightly on the door before entering.

“Hey, I brought you some water.”

“Thanks.” Cas said quietly.

“Yeah, okay well. Good night.” Dean whispered as if he was afraid someone would hear them.

“Goodnight Dean.”

When Dean got to his room he stripped down to his boxers and got into bed. He was half asleep when there was a knock at his door. “Come in.” He whispered. The door opened slightly before Dean saw Cas slide in the door and then shut it behind him as he entered the room. Dean sat up on the bed.

“So, I guess watching a scary movie and then sleeping in a new place isn’t exactly my thing.” Cas spoke soft and quiet.

“It’s okay. Want to sleep with me?” Dean asked nervously but Cas just nodded and started toward the bed. Dean scooted over to make room but Cas didn’t need room. He slid in under the covers right next to Dean. Dean wrapped his arm around him as he laid his head down onto his chest. They didn’t talk after that. Dean just laid there taking in the way Cas’ hair smelt and listened to his breath. He could do this forever, just lay there with Cas cuddling. He usually hated cuddling but with Cas everything was different. Everything was better, easier, uncomplicated.

“Goodnight Cas.” Dean whispered into his hair. Cas mumbled back but Dean didn’t hear what he said so he just let himself drift off to sleep.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! I've decided that I'm going to update every Monday in case anyone actually cares.

_After_  
“What happened after that Grandpa?” Becky asked bouncing on Deans lap. She has a lot of energy for such a small little girl, Dean thought. He looked at his other four grandkids. Hannah looked back and smiled but the boys, Zach and Adam, looked unamused. Becky gave an impatient tug on Deans collar.

“Well, we spent the rest of the week hanging out, sometimes he would sleep in my bed and sometimes we’d sleep alone but he held my hand every second he could.”

“Did you know you loved him then?” Hannah asked suddenly.

“Of course. I always loved him. From the moment he bumped into me on the beach.” Becky awed and laid her head down on Dean's chest.

“How long did you date him Grandpa?” Adam asked suddenly engaged in the conversation.

“Well. We we’re together for the rest of high school, even though we both only had one year and a half left. We spent our time writing each other love notes and mailing them. Occasionally we got time to skype or talk on the phone. He flew out to see me on my birthday and he’d come out for two weeks in the summer. We were happy and in love.”

“Didn’t you ever fight?” Zach questioned Dean like he was trying to challenge him.

“Did they ever fight?” Ben said chuckling as he walked in the room. “Boy, did they ever.”

“Well, yeah we did but nothing too big.” Dean replied giving Ben the stink eye.

“Dad, what about college? You know where you met mom? You know where I come into the story?” Dean sighed remembering the night Cas left him.

“Grandpa! I wanna know!” Becky yelled directly in his ear.

“Okay okay.” He adjusted Becky on his lap and thought of where to begin.

_Before_

Dean set his last box down on the bed and turned to back around to his family.

“I’m so proud of you Dean. You’ll do great here! I just know it!” Mary said pulling him in for a hug.

“Its not too late to change majors you know son.” John spoke as Dean pulled away from his mom who was now glaring at her husband.

“John Winchester-”

“Mom it’s fine. Dad, I like my major. I love music and for the last time i'm not changing my major.”

“Getting on him about that again Mr. Winchester? Do you ever lighten up?” Cas spoke as he entered Deans new dorm room.

“Cas!” Sam yelled from behind Dean. Dean almost forgot Sam was there.

“Hey Sam! So not to be a bother but orientation starts soon and I don’t want to be late.”

“Of course. I’ll call you later Dean, make sure you are all settle!” Mary hugged her son one last time before walking out of the room. John looked like he wanted to say something but he just patted Dean on the shoulder and walked out. Sam just stood there, making sure his parents were down the hallway before speaking.

“I think your majors cool Dean, I’m really going to miss having you around.”

“I know Sammy, take care of mom. I’ll be home for holidays.” Dean rubbed his little brothers head. “Now you better go catch up before dad yells at you.”

“Yeah, okay. Bye Dean. Bye Cas.” Sam called as he raced down the hall to catch his parents.

“Bye Sam.” They both yelled in unison. Cas looked at Dean before a smile slowly crept onto his face. Before Dean knew what was happening Cas had his arms tightly around his neck and his legs wrapped around his torso.Cas leaned back ever so slightly and kissed Dean. It wasn’t a heated kiss but it was gentle and soft.

“We’re in college!” He yelled when they pulled apart. Dean spun his boyfriend in a circle before setting him back on the ground.

“I love you.” The words came out before Dean realized what he was saying. He felt his face slowly heat up. Shit. He thought.

Cas just pulled him closer and leaned his head closer to Dean so that their foreheads were touching. “I love you too.”

College was amazing Dean decided. He could do whatever when he wanted, his boyfriend was right down the hall, his classes all started after 10 o'clock and the parties were amazing. Cas and Dean went to a party pretty much every night and when they weren’t in class or sleeping Cas would show Dean all over New York.

One night everything fell apart.

Dean dragged at Cas out to a party against his will. Cas protested and suggested they stay in and watch movies instead. Instead of taking Cas' good advice he made Cas go out with him. Dean leaned up against the wall to keep his balance. He was talking to some girl from his music history class. He hadn’t seen Cas for about an hour until his being pulled out the door by his collar. He whipped around to see Cas. For some reason he just let himself be pulled all the way back to the dorms.

When they got back to Cas’ dorm he went straight to the bathroom leaving Dean by himself. He sat down on Cas’ little arm chair and leaned his head back against the chair. Cas emerged from the bathroom but he didn’t acknowledge Dean. Instead he turned off the small floor lamp in the corner of the room and got into his bed. When Dean realized Cas was obviously upset he sat up and looked over at him.

“Cas? Baby? Are you mad at me?” The words came out slow and slurred. Dean could hear the bed moving and soon light filled the room. Cas just stared at him before talking. He looked like he had been crying. Deans heart shattered at how sad Cas looked.

“Am I mad? That’s all you have to say for yourself right now Dean?” Cas’ face changed from sadness to anger. Dean froze in place. “You’re so ignorant Dean!”

“Woah. What is your problem?”

“You act like you’re single everytime we go out! Charlie told me you told Lisa Braeden you we’re single at a party last week! Not to mention you party every freaking weekend!”

“Sorry I’m not an uptight loser like you! That’s not my fault! You can’t tie me down Cas! You keep treating me like a pet not like your boyfriend. Not to mention you never put out! A man has needs dude. It’s pathetic that I’m your only friend! You depend on me for everything and guess what Cas? I don’t even love you!” Dean felt his heart drop right into his stomach after he finished talking. Cas looked away and wiped a tear from his eye.

“Get out.”

“What?” Dean said now generally shocked.

“Get out Dean, and don’t come back.”

“Cas, stop please. I didn’t mean any of that.”

“Get out!” Cas screamed so loud it made Dean jump.

“Cas.” He choked out before a tear rolled down his cheek. He didn’t say anything else he just stood up and walked out.

For the next two weeks Dean didn’t do anything but drink and party. He barely ate and he missed every class. When he wasn’t at a party he was locked up in his dorm sleeping. Not having Cas in his life was harder than he thought it would be. He didn’t see the point in school anymore and he didn’t see the point in being sober. He just didn’t see the point at all. He tried calling Cas a few times but every time it just went to voicemail.  
~~~  
On a rainy Thursday morning everything changed. It started when Deans phone woke him up from his drunken slumber.

“Hello?” He answered slightly annoyed.

“Um hi Dean. Did I wake you?” Dean sat up and rubbed his hand along his face.

“Hey Lis. Yeah you did but I’ll live I guess.”

“So Dean. I need to talk to you about something can you meet me at the coffee shop off of Main in 20? It’s important.”

“Yeah sure. See you soon.”

“Bye Dean.”

Once he hung up the phone he hopped in the shower for the first time in what felt like forever. He dried himself off and put on a fresh pair of clothes. He didn’t bother fixing his hair before leaving his dorm.

He didn’t even look behind him towards Cas dorm as he locked his door. _Hm maybe this is getting easier_. He thought to himself. But deep down Dean knew that his longing for Cas would never end even he spent the rest of his life with a bottle of whiskey in his hand and some random girl in his bed. He loved Cas, he always would, he knew that. He pushed the feelings down and headed off to meet Lisa.

When he arrived at the cafe he immediately saw Lisa who was sitting at a small table by the window sipping a coffee. He sat down in the chair across from her. She looked up at him with her dark brown eyes. She looked tired and concerned.

“Hey Lis.”

“Hi. Hows it going?” She sounded like she actually cared and she probably did, that's what Dean liked about her.

“Its going. So, whats up?”

“Remember last month when we were at the party?” Dean nodded, how could he forget? They had to go at it at least 4 times that night. He smiled to himself thinking about it. Lisa kept talking but Dean stopped listening when Cas walked in the cafe holding hands with a much shorter boy with an untrimmed beard. Deans heart stopped when Cas threw his head back and laughed at something the boy said. He tried to concentrate on what Lisa was saying but he kept looking at Cas. It had been so long since he seen Cas. He looked so different and so hot.  
Lisa kept talking and Dean kept staring. Cas’ arms had gotten significantly larger and his hair got a little longer but still fell perfectly even though Dean knew he didn’t do anything to it this morning. His posture was tall and he looked happy. Happier than he had been with Dean at least.

“Dean? Dean did you hear me?” Lisa said finally snapping Dean out of his trance.

“What? No, I’m sorry.”

“I’m pregnant Dean.”

Deans heart stopped. He couldn’t speak, he just stared at Lisa then looked at Cas who was now making out with the ugly bearded man. “What? I used a condom. It can’t be mine.” Is all he could say before looking back at Cas.

“Dean you’re the only person I’ve slept with in 3 months. I’m sorry but you’re the only one it could be.”

“I have to go.” Dean stood up so fast his chair fell over making everyone, including Cas, look at him. Cas’ face flushed and he looked down at his hands when he saw Dean. Dean couldn’t look away from him. Finally Dean couldn’t take it anymore and he just walked out of the cafe and head toward the dorms.

Dean was scared and royally screwed. Lisa probably thought he was an asshole now for just walking out on her like that. He took out his phone and dialed her number but it went straight to voicemail so he called the only person he knew who could help, his mom.

“Hello?” She answered after the second ring. “Dean?”

“Mom,” was all Dean could say before he lost it. Tears fell from his eyes and his throat closed up.

“Dean honey, are you okay? What’s happening?”

So Dean stood in the rain and told his mom what happened with Cas and Lisa. He didn’t even realize he was talking until he finished.

“And so now Cas hates me and Lisa probably does too now. I was irresponsible and messed up everything. I feel like such a mess up mom.”

“Dean Winchester I am disappointed,” she spoke after a few seconds of silence.

“What?” Dean was dumbfounded. He’s never heard those words from his mom before.

“You love Cas and you’re not doing anything to get him back. That’s not the Dean I know. My son goes after what he wants and gets it. My son also does the right thing to fix his mistakes and now he has a baby on the way and needs to get himself together and figure things out with Lisa before he never gets to see his child. You young man need to pull your head out of your ass and grow up. And call your family every once in a while! We’ve been worried about you! Now go to Lisa’s apartment and talk to the girl.” Dean stood there for a second. A smile grew on his face. He loved his mom and knew she was right.

“Thanks mom. I’ll call you later. I promise. Love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late posting and its kinda short but here it is!

“So that’s it? You didn’t chase after Grandpa?” Adam spoke as soon as Dean finished his story.

“I had a lot to worry about, my grades were low from not going to class and I had a baby on the way so I got a job which took up pretty much all my free time.”

“But obviously you got back together!” Hannah yelled.

“Yeah, we did. But I’ll tell you that story another day cause your dad is waiting to take you all to get ice cream.” He pushed Becky off his lap as he stood up. Dean helped all his grandkids get their coats on and tied Beckys shoes before Ben reappeared in the doorway.

“Thanks for watching them dad.”

“They are my grandkids Ben and besides they help keep my mind off of it.” He gave Ben a weary smile.

“I know dad. I miss him too.” Ben set a hand on Dean's shoulder but before he could say anything more Hannah ran back inside and was pulling Ben out the door. “Okay, Hannah we’re going! Bye dad, I’ll bring them back tomorrow before Lily’s flight gets in then we’re all going out to dinner so don’t forget.”

“Okay Ben. I get it. Bye, see ya tomorrow.” Dean practically shoved Ben out the door.  
When Dean was finally alone he let out a heavy sigh and fell back into his old recliner chair that sat in the corner of the living room. He was glad he had his kids and their kids to be a distraction but he loved being alone. He understood that Ben was worried about him but he was going to be okay. It’s true, losing Cas was the hardest thing he’s ever had to live with but he promised Cas he would try to be happy so thats what he was going to do. Dean flipped on the tv and let the chair recline backwards. He flipped through the channels before drifting off to sleep.

When he woke up the tv was playing old reruns of some show Cas used to watch so he turned it off and went into the kitchen. He stopped in the hallway and looked at the dozen of pictures hanging on the wall. There were some of his and Cas’ wedding but most of them we’re of Lily and Ben when they were little. He smiled at the memory of the wedding and how happy he was when they adopted Lily and Cas officially adopted Ben. He paused when he saw the last picture taken of him and Cas. He took it down off the wall and studied it. Cas was wrapped around Dean's waist hugging him tightly and they were both laughing. That was the day Cas got diagnosed but Dean didn’t think he would be gone so fast. Tears filled up in his eyes. Asshole. He thought. You should have stayed longer. The tears fell from his eyes as he set the picture face down on the table.  
He was no longer hungry so he just locked the door and headed upstairs. He’d been sleeping in the living room for a good two weeks because he couldn’t sleep in his and Cas’ bed without him. He felt wrong even being in there but his back had been killing him and he was almost didn’t care. He laid down in the bed and was welcomed by the overwhelming smell of Cas. He reached for Cas’ pillow and pulled it close to his chest. He let himself cry until he fell asleep.

When Dean woke up the next morning still gripping the pillow. He laid there for a moment half expecting Cas to walk in from the bathroom and get back in bed with Dean but Dean knew he wasn’t ever going to come through that door again. He stretched out finally letting go of the pillow. He turned his head toward the window but didn't see anything because it was so dark. Dean sat up in the bed before getting up to check what time it was. Shit. He thought when he saw that it was only 5:30. He hadn’t been getting much sleep lately and he always felt restless. After a moment of sitting there he patted down the stairs into the kitchen and started the coffee pot.

After he ate a bowl of cereal and his 3rd cup of coffee he went back up to his room. He pulled out a box from the top shelf of the closet and sat in the chair. Dean looked at the box before opening it. He gently pulled the lid off the box and pulled out what was inside. 160 letters between him and Cas sat in his hand. He took one that was addressed to him from the pile and opened it.

_Dean,_

_Today is the day! We finally get to say our vows and you’ll be stuck with me for the rest of your life. I can’t believe that I’m going to be someones husband. It sounds so strange, you know? Being married, being tied to someone. Its terrifying and exciting all at once. I’m not sure why i’m writing to you, you already know how I feel about you. I guess it help the nerves. You’re the best thing thats ever happened to me Dean Winchester and I’m so glad I get to spend the rest of our lives together. I know its sappy and you hate when I get sappy but my life would be so terrible without you and I never want to be without you again. One time my mother told me that love and marriage isn’t easy. Our love hasn’t been easy but its been worth it. Everyday I fall for you more and more which amazes me because I didn’t think my love for you could get stronger. Thank you for making my life mean something Dean, I owe it all to you._

_Forever and always,_   
_Castiel_

Dean dropped the letters and slid off the bed. He pulled his legs in. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. He sat on his floor crying for what felt like minutes but must have been hours because soon it was light and Sam was rushing to Deans side.

“Dean? Dean! Are you okay?” Dean looked at Sam with his tear soaked eyes.

“Sammy.” He let Sam cradle him for a little before speaking again. “I can’t do this without him.”

“I know Dean, I know.”

Dean didn’t remember getting off the floor or getting changed but soon he was in the kitchen with Sam and Ben. They both looked at him with sad eyes. Suddenly Dean felt ashamed, he was better than this. He promised Cas he would be okay. He just wanted to feel okay again.

“So, um. When does Lily get in?” Dean asked trying to get them to stop staring worried parents.

“Uncle Gabe is picking her up for me. Dad what happen?” Ben sat down in the chair next to Dean.

“I don’t know, Ben. Maybe its that I have just lost the love of my life! I’m trying to be okay! I am, really. I just, I miss him.” Before he could stop himself he was in tears again and Sam was back at his side.

“I know, I’m sorry. I miss him too. But we’re worried about you! You’re pretending to be okay but then when no ones around you lose it! Something could happen to you when we’re not here.”

“Ben, calm down. Don’t upset him more.” Sam gave Ben his signature bitch face before turning to look at Dean. “Do you need me to stay here for a while? I can stay till after the funeral. Maybe then you’ll have some peace.”

“Peace Sam? I won’t ever have peace! You don’t know what i'm going through! I loved him with everything I had and now I have to bury him in less than a week! So don’t tell me I’ll have damn peace!” Dean stood up and walked out without looking back at his son or Sam.

Dean didn’t stop walking until he was outside next to his car. Driving was the only way he could get his thoughts together. He got in the car but paused before starting down at the tan trench coat that was folded in the passenger seat. He inhaled a deep breath before grabbing the coat and gently setting it in the back. Dean turned the key in the ignition, the car roared to life as he sped down the street.

He didn’t know where he was going until he got there. He pulled into the little parking lot near the park where he purposed to Cas. He thought back to that night. It was warm and he was so happy. He could he Cas’ laugh from when they were at dinner that night, the first night Dean felt pure bliss. He remembered how the newly sprung flowers smelt, how brightly Cas smiled at him.

_Before_

“Cas? Baby, come one we’re going to be late.” Dean glanced down at his watch, he was becoming increasingly anxious as it got closer to their dinner reservations. Just as he was about to call for him again Cas stepped out of their bedroom. Dean inhaled deeply. Cas stood before him in nice suit with the blue tie Dean bought him for his birthday which complimented his big blue eyes. “Woah. You look amazing.”

“You look good too babe, now lets go before Sam and Jess get mad for keeping them waiting.” He held the door open for Cas and locked it before rushing him out to the car. They drove for a bit before Cas finally realized they weren’t going toward the restaurant.

“Um Dean? Where are we going? The restaurant is the other way.”

But Dean didn't say he just kept driving. They pulled into the parking lot and Dean got out of the car before Cas could protest. He went to the trunk and pulled out his guitar case and started toward the park area. He looked behind him to make sure Cas was following and flashed him a quick smile when he saw that he was. Dean got all the way up to where he saw Sam, Jess, Gabe and Anna all sitting on the park bench. They all stood when they saw Dean. “Lets do this.”

Cas finally caught up to them Dean couldn’t help but laugh at how breathless Cas was. Dean didn't have time to tease him though, he slung his guitar over his shoulder and started playing. Cas' eyes got wider when Dean started singing along to the music coming from the guitar. Jess led Cas over to sit down on the bench then resumed her position next to Sam. Gabe stepped forward first, holding his sign out for Cas to see. His read "Castiel Novak, the day I met you I knew you were something special." Gabe switched to the second sign as Dean kept singing. "When you came back into my life I knew there was a reason..." Sam was next, he stepped forward holding his board out. "You're the best thing that could have ever happen to me..."Sam stepped back and Jess stepped forward. "So tonight, I have an important question..." Dean could see the tears gather in Cas' eyes as the song started to end and Dean got down on his knee. Anna stepped forward holding the final sign.

"Will you marry me?" Dean looked up at Cas who was looking at all of them clearly in shock but Dean just held out the ring.

"So? What do you say?" Dean asked after a few more seconds of silence and of Cas just staring at him.

"Dean. Yes. Of course." Dean stood up and met him halfway to grab him in a hug. He slid the silver ring onto Cas' finger. Jess and Anna squealed behind them.

"Now, can we get some damn food?" Gabe said after a while. Everyone laughed as they walked back towards the parking lot to finally go to there dinner reservations.

_After_

“Dean? Hey, Dean are you okay?” Dean finally snapped out of it as Sam sat down next to him.

“I’m fine Sammy.” Dean was getting tired of everyone asking him how he was, his husband just died and he needed his space.

“Dean, I know this is hard okay? He was part of my life too. I was close to him too.” Dean knew he was right, he wasn’t the only one who lost Cas but right now he didn’t care.

“Remember the first time I met him? At the beach? I knew right then and there that he was the one I was going to marry. He was everything I had.” Sam didn’t say anything he just patted Dean on the shoulder and stood up from the bench.

Dean knew he should go back to see his daughter. Maybe family time would make him feel better. He sat for a few more moments before walking back to his car.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super sorry I haven't updated yet! We had ACTs and other dumb testing all week. So anyway, here it is!

_Before_  
It was two weeks after Ben was born and almost 6 months since he had last talked to Cas. He and Lisa had been trying to work out their relationship for Ben's sake, but Dean still thought about Cas everyday, especially since he started dating that kid from the coffee shop. Dean picked up the laundry basket and hauled it up three flights of stairs to Lisa’s apartment, which is where he’d been staying since Lisa was in her third trimester. Lisa was sitting in the rocking chair asleep with Ben in her arms. The last few weeks have been stressful for both her and Dean so her being asleep wasn’t a strange occurrence.

“Lisa?” Dean grabbed the baby out of her arms and laid him down in his bassinet. “Lis?”

“Hm?” She hummed with her eyes still closed.

“I’m going out to study with some friends, I’ll be home later okay?”

“Okay Dean,” he leaned down and kissed her forehead before he grabbed his keys off the counter.

Dean pulled into the library parking lot next to a beat up old truck and let out a sigh of relief. Finals were next week and he was doing everything he could to study but between a baby and work it was getting harder on him. Lisa was going to school to be a nurse and most her classes were in the morning and Deans in the afternoon so their schedules never conflicted.

Dean stepped out of his car just as the library doors swung open. He didn’t look up until he heard his name being yelled over the chartering group. The only two friends he’d made, Benny and Meg, were in a big group making their way toward him.

“Hey we're going to grab some drinks, wanna come?” Meg said in her persuasive tone.

“I actually need to study for my Forensics final, its the biggest one and I’ve missed so much because of Ben. So I don’t think I should.”

“Okay brother, let us know if you change your mind.” Benny waved back at Dean before rejoining the group.

“He works here now you know.” Meg said still staring at Dean with her dagger eyes.

“Who?”

“You know who. Just play nice.” With a wink she was running after the group. _Shit. She meant Cas._

Dean entered the library subtly, trying not to bring any attention to himself. He found the books he needed and sat down at a table way in the back. After about two hours of studying the coast was still clear of Cas. Dean stood up and made his way back to the science section.

There he was, standing perfectly still shelving books. Before Dean could turn around and escape Cas looked up. _Shit._ He smiled at Dean and went back to shelving. After a few minutes of awkward tension Dean broke the silence.

“Um. The book I need is on your cart, can I take it?”

“Oh, yeah, go for it.” Cas smiled and moved out of Deans way so he could grab the book. Before Dean could get far enough away Cas spoke again. “The baby’s cute.”

“What?” Dean turned around and saw a red faced Cas staring back at him. “Oh, Ben? Yeah, hes a handful. Wait how do you know?”

Cas laughed but it had a nervous cling to it that only Dean would know. “Are you kidding? Meg shows me new picture every day. She really does love him.”

“Yeah, shes a big help with him.”

“Hows Lisa?”

“Good, hows your new boy toy?” As soon as the words came out Dean regretted asking.

“Aaron? I broke it off. No sparks.”

He didn’t know why but he felt like the world had been taken off his shoulders. “Oh, well it was nice talking to you, we should do it again sometime.”

“I get off in 10 minutes if you wanna grab coffee? My treat?”

Dean looked at his watch, it was close to midnight now and he should get home to Lisa and the baby but he said yes instead.

 

They sat in the far corner of the 24 hour cafe laughing and reminiscing past summers and winter vacations.

“Remember when Sam and I scared you so bad you peed your pants?” Cas said between laughs.

“I did not pee my pants!”

“You so did!” Cas faced went from pure bliss to instant pain and sadness. “That was the same year you told me you loved me. That was the best summer of my life.”

Dean sat up but kept his eyes down on his cup. “Yeah, me too.”

“Well, its getting late we should get home.”

“Oh yeah, yeah we should.” Dean stood as he put on his coat.

“Hey Dean?” Cas said looking up at Dean with his shiny blue eyes. Its funny how even though they hadn’t talked to each other for months Cas still made Dean feel like he could collect all the stars and the moon by just reaching his arm up. Dean resisted every urge to pull Cas up and kiss him into next week. “My birthday is on Thursday.”

“I know Cas, its only been a few months, I remember.”

“Will you celebrate with me? I’ll make my mothers pie that you like. Just me and you, I just don’t think celebrating with people I hardly know is going to be all that amazing. You can say no if its too much .” Deans brain was sending him warnings of doing anything but this. Say no Dean!

“Yeah, of course,” is what came out instead.

When Thursday rolled around Dean did everything in his usual routine; baby, work, class then home. Except today he wasn’t going home, he was going to Cas’ house. He was excited but there was that underlying nervousness that clung to him like a sweaty shirt.

“Lisa? I'm leaving for class.”

“When will you be home?” Lisa stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her.

“Well, I was thinking about grabbing drinks with Benny and Meg after, but not too late, okay?” He kissed her mouth but it wasn’t lust filled or even meaningful, not like he used to kiss Cas. He knew lying to her was wrong and it definitely wasn’t going to help their relationship. Dean shrugged it off and left the small apartment.

Dean sat through two boring lectures about laws and something else he wasn’t really paying attention to. His phone buzzed in his pocket a few times before he gave up on paying attention and pulled it out. He had two messages one from Lisa and one from Cas.

From Castiel:  
Class almost over? I bought party hats.

To Castiel:  
Of course you did, whats a 20th birthday without cheap party hats? :P

Dean soon regretted the emoticon, Cas would think its too flirty. He opened his message from Lisa but it was just a picture of him and Ben sleeping this morning captioned “My men <3”. Dean didn’t reply.

After class Dean started toward Cas’ building. He missed walking this way during the night. You could see all the lights from the city plus the wind was always just right walking this way; but he hadn’t gone this way since he moved into Lisa’s tiny, crowded apartment.

Cas’ door flung open before he could knock. Cas stood there in his dark jeans that made his butt pop out and a black shirt that said “I am sher” with boxes by it. Nerd he thought to himself.

“Did you just body check me?”

“What? Me? No! Stop that!” Cas just laughed as he shut the door behind them. “Look if this is your way of luring me in so you can kill me just do it.”

“Dean, I’m not going to kill you. would you relax? You’re driving me crazy with your fidgeting.” Cas pointed down to Deans lap where he was tapping his fingers excessively.

“Sorry. I’ll stop. Do you have any beer in here?”

“I do in fact, its your favorite. Aaron used to drink it and he left some when we broke up. And-”

“And you don’t like beer.”

“Yeah,” Cas said like he had just been told the most life changing words. “Anyway, I ordered some pizza and made pie. Also I think the Avengers is on Netflix.”

“Are you sure you wanna spend your birthday watching Marvel movies while stuffing our faces with me?”

“Yes, Dean. What else would I want to do?” Dean didn’t reply he just grabbed the box of pizza and his beer before making himself comfortable on the floor.

 

An hour into the movie Cas sat up looking over at Dean who was laying on his side on the floor clenching his beer so he wouldn’t reach out and pull Cas into his arms.

“What?”

“Can we look at the stars? Like we used to when we were in high school?”

“Sure, but do you have all of the essentials?”

“When don’t I?” Cas smirked down at Dean as he ran off to get what they needed.

They pulled into a small park where there was no lights and climbed onto the top of the impala. Cas handed him two dixie cups and a bottle of wine as he pulled himself onto the car. Dean reached around him so that the blanket they brought would be covering them both. He felt the heat of Cas’ body on his arm, his started to heart race. They sat there like that for a while, drinking their wine and staring up at the twinkling stars. Until Dean noticed Cas' humming.

“Are you humming Heroes by David Bowie?”

“Mhm, its a classic Dean.”

“I know, hey didn’t we dance to that at my uncle Bobby's wedding last summer?”

“Mhm.” Dean laughed at how calm Cas was.

“You always get romantic and calm when you drink wine.”

“Though nothing, will keep us together, we could steal time just for one day.”

“Oh okay, now you’re singing to me.” Dean smiled as he sipped his wine staring at Cas as he sang. Dean let him sing a little bit before joining him cause fuck it he's tipsy and this is the first time in weeks hes felt this good.

“We could be heroes, forever and ever. What’d say?” they sang in unison, eyes locked slightly swaying along to their terrible rhythm.

Dean couldn’t resist anymore, he leaned in and let his lips touch Cas’.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry that is incredibly late. I've had a bunch of crap going on recently and it was hard to find time to write but I am gonna start making time now! This chapter is short and I'm sorry for that too. Anyway, enjoy!

Dean woke up to Cas’ faint snoring. Cas had his arms curled over Dean holding on tight. Dean didn’t dare move and wake him up. He just laid there holding on to Cas, watching the sunlight fill the room. Cas moved his head up from Dean's chest and looked at him, still looking tired.

“Mm. Goodmorning,” Cas said stretching out but still holding onto Dean.

“Morning,” was all Dean got out before Cas sat up abruptly.

“Shit, Dean. Did we?” Cas looked like we was going to burst into tears any second.

Dean laughed a little. “No, but I did kiss you. You’re also down one bottle of wine because we finished it then wanted me to walk you home, then wouldn’t let me leave.”

“At least I was coherent enough to make you walk and not drive.” Cas rested his head in his hands. “I’m sorry Dean. That was a mess.”

“Hey don’t be sorry,” Dean put his hand on the small of Cas’ back. “I had a good time.”

“I was just holding you! You have a girlfriend, I’m your ex. I crossed the line.”

“Cas, you know me, if I didn’t want that, I wouldn't have stayed. We didn’t do anything wrong, its fine. But I do need to go.” Dean slipped his shoe over his foot and stood up.

“Yeah, I suppose.” Cas almost looked disappointed that Dean was leaving. Dean bent down and kissed him on the forehead.

“Happy birthday Cas.” He whispered before shutting the door.

 

Dean didn’t see or talk to Cas for almost two weeks and it was killing him. Since he had got home that day Lisa had been distant and quiet but to Dean anything was better than conflict or being interrogated about his night with Cas. He was sitting in the rocking chair with Ben when his phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey Dean-o! Wanna come out tonight?” Meg's voice traveled quickly through the phone.

“What are we going to do?”

“One of the frat houses is throwing a party to kick off summer. You should come!”

“Yeah okay, what time?” Meg gave him the details and then hung up. When Dean looked up Lisa was standing in the doorway with her arms folded over her chest. “What?”

“You’re going out again?” She walked over and took the baby out of his arms.

“Lisa, its summer. The last time I went out was two weeks ago! Give me a break, you go out every week.”

He turned on the shower, hoping that she would take the hint that he was going whether or not she wanted him to. He took a good long shower before deciding he should hurry so he could meet Meg and Benny for their pre gaming. When Dean emerged from the bedroom Lisa was in the kitchen warming up a bottle.

“I’m heading out.”

“Dean,” he turned to look at her. “At least let me know if you’re not going to come home tonight.”

Dean nodded before walking out. Even though he wouldn’t admit it he was hoping that maybe Cas would be here tonight. He knew it was wrong to want Cas when he was with Lisa but he couldn’t help it. He loved Cas, he wanted Cas. No, Dean needed him.

After a little pre gaming at a local bar Dean, Benny and Meg made there way to the frat house. Meg was holding on to Deans arm to keep her from falling over in her heels and Benny was singing some weird folk song. Dean missed hanging out with these two every weekend, they were the closest thing he had to friends since him and Cas broke up. They walked into the house and were instantly greeted by a group of people.

After an hour of beer pong and aimlessly looking for Cas, Dean decided to step outside. He slid his hands in his pockets as he sat down leaning up against the wall for support.

“Hey Dean.” Dean whipped his head around to see Cas standing there, his eyes studying him closely.

“Hey what are you doing here?”

“Um, drinking, I think.” Cas lifted his red solo cup to show Dean. “Are you here with Lisa?”

“No, I came with Meg and Benny. Just needed some air.”

“Oh, well I was going to head home. See you around?”

“Now? Its getting dark, you shouldn’t walk alone.” Cas laughed tilting his head summing Dean to come with him, Dean had no trouble obliging.

They walked in silence for a while until they got to Cas’ dorm room. Cas unlocked his door and walked in. Dean knew he should have said goodnight and went home, but being that he was slightly drunk and had clouded judgement he stepped in after Cas, pushing the door closed behind them. He started walking over to where Cas was filling up a glass of water. Cas raised his eyes at Dean in confusion as Dean set his glass down and pulled him into his arms.

“Dean?” Cas’ voice was rough, Dean could tell Cas was getting tired but he kept holding onto him. “Dean what are-”

Before he could finish his sentence Dean was kissing him. It wasn’t rushed just slow and passionate. Cas was kissing him back and for once Dean wasn’t worried about Lisa or anyone else, this was about him and Cas.

Cas placed his hand on Dean's chest, pushing him down onto the bed. Dean reached his hands up to Cas’ face trying to pull him closer. Cas climbed on top of Dean and slid his hand down Dean’s side. Dean reached up to Cas’ pants and undid the button, making sure his lips never left Cas’. Cas helped him slide his pants down and threw them on the ground before sliding Dean's shirt off. Soon they were both naked, hungrily grabbing at each other. Dean could feel Cas’ heartbeat gaining speed as he slid his hand down around his dick. Cas let out a small moan that sent chills through Dean's body.

“Dean, please. I’m not going to make it.” Cas groaned.

“Where's your condoms?” Cas turned around to his little nightstand pulling out a small bottle of lube and a condom.

“Are you sure you want to do this Dean?” Dean nodded reaching up toward Cas’ face, pulling him down onto him. Cas didn’t need anymore conformation, he squeezed some lube onto his fingers and sank down into Dean. The rest came natural, it was like being in high school all over again. Dean took the moment in, it felt right. Everything about being here in this moment with Cas was right. Cas felt like home to Dean, he was home. When they finished, Cas threw away the condom and climbed back into bed next to Dean. Neither of them said anything, Dean just wrapped his arms around Cas and took in the moment before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning when Dean woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and a pair of eyes staring at him.

“Uhm, good morning?”

“Good morning Dean. Do you want to talk about what happened last night?” Dean sat up on the little mattress, taking the coffee out of Cas’ hand.

“Right now? I’m really hungover right now Cas.”

“Well, when are we going to talk about it? You’re going to leave here today and go back to your little family while I’m sitting here still trying to get you out of my head! And I hardly find that fair Dean,” Dean could see the water filling up in his eyes. He set the coffee on the nightstand and pulled Cas down into his lap.

“Cas look, last night it felt right, being with you feels like taking a breath of fresh air.I know I have Ben and Lisa but things with Lisa have been bad for months and I can still be with you and in Ben’s life. I have been a wreck without you. I get it, I messed up a lot. But I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving. I thought you would be better off without me, I was trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what Dean? From spending months wondering if you were happier with her than me? What I did wrong? Why you couldn’t love me enough to stay? This isn’t fair to me Dean. What if one day you decide that you would rather be with Lisa?”

“Cas, baby, I’ll do anything to get you to trust me. Lisa and I have been trying to make things work since I found out she was pregnant. She doesn’t make me feel like I have everything to lose like you do. And yes, I have a son now and I won’t just stop being in his life but if you’re willing to let me try then for the love of God please let me try.” Dean looked at Cas like a wounded puppy. Dean had never been good with feelings but he was always sure of what he wanted and right now that thing was Cas. “Please Cas.”

“I don’t know Dean. It does not feel right, not like this.”

Dean dropped down to the ground in front of Cas. And lightly touched his hand to his face. “I love you, Cas. Please.”

Cas stared back for a second. “What are you gonna tell Lisa?” He asked after a long sigh.

“I don’t know, but that doesn’t matter right now.” He said tackling him back onto the bed, sending Cas into a fit of giggles as Dean kissed his face all over.

 

 


End file.
